On a recent drive along Interstate 74, Lesley and Matt Dzik found themselves in a heated debate over the contentious issue of abortion. As Lesley’s voice grew louder, she realized the conversation was spiraling. Recognizing the need to cool off, she suggested pulling over to change the subject. In that moment, their hands, which had been animatedly gesturing to express differing viewpoints, clasped together as they reminded each other, “I love you.”
This scenario reflects a familiar struggle for many couples, where disagreements can span across finances, parenting, and, notably, complex political issues. Lesley, 56, identifies as a Republican, while Matt, 68, is a Democrat. Their stark differences on key topics — Lesley’s opposition to abortion versus Matt’s support for a woman’s right to choose, and their contrasting views on COVID-19 vaccinations, with Lesley refusing the vaccine and Matt opting to get vaccinated — have occasionally tested their relationship.
As they started dating during the tumultuous 2020 election, Lesley’s hope for their future was shaken when she glimpsed the Democratic lawn signs on Matt’s property. Yet, they both longed for a shared life together. To navigate their differences, Lesley sought solutions through reading and ultimately discovered Braver Angels, a nonprofit organization founded by a therapist after Donald Trump’s election in 2016, aimed at bridging political divides.
“This organization, with its mix of red and blue, gave me hope,” Lesley shared. “It made me feel safe and not alone.”
In many aspects, Lesley and Matt are a model couple. They support each other, volunteering at the same theater to enjoy free performances. Lesley is a devoted Christian, while Matt, a military veteran, has evolved from a Catholic upbringing to embracing a more spiritual perspective. Together, they attend church regularly, sharing hugs during prayers.
However, as the presidential election approached, their political differences intensified. Sometimes, their arguments would escalate to the point where they would not speak for several days. A piece of advice from their therapist hangs on their fridge: “Can I give you a hug? If not, say, ‘I love you, and I’ll be back in ten minutes.’”
In Braver Angels workshops, they learned techniques for maintaining civility in political discussions, including the crucial rule that conversations should aim for understanding, not victory.
Ultimately, the Dzik couple discovered common ground by displaying the American flag in their front yard. “We share the same heart,” Lesley said. “To me, the flag is more uplifting and enduring than any sign in our yard.” Matt echoed her sentiment, stating that the flag symbolizes unity beyond their political differences.
